Why I Suck at Cocktail Conversations

Hey Reader,

I actually love meeting new people.
I’m curious. I listen well. I ask good questions.
And most of the time, I can hold my own in just about any conversation.

But there's one moment at every gathering that often makes me pause.
It’s when someone leans in and casually asks,
“So… what do you do?”

Now, I can answer that question.
And I do answer it.
But often, I can’t help but wonder what it’s like for the person asking, someone who is probably expecting a clean, polite reply like:
“Software developer.”
“Pilot.”
“Supply buyer.”

Instead, they get me.
And I kind of have to make sure they’ve finished chewing before I answer.

Because what I do doesn’t always make for great cocktail conversation.

I’ve learned the hard way that dropping terms like “sexless marriage” in the middle of a bar mitzvah buffet line tends to kill the vibe a bit.
It’s not exactly the kind of thing people want to hear between bites of mini quiche and those yummy lamb popsicles.

The same goes for statements like:
“He’s outwardly successful but feels completely powerless at home.”
“Most of the men I work with feel more alone in their marriage than they did when they were single.”
“Yeah, he’s trying everything, but nothing’s working because he still doesn’t know how to lead himself emotionally.”

Great for talking about real issues that the men I work with struggle with.
Not so great for networking events.

Let’s just say that part of life was way easier when I was the guy who said, “I’m a software architect.”
But I’m not that guy anymore.

What I Actually Do

I’m in something messier, more personal, and a whole lot more meaningful.
Because what I actually do is sit in the trenches with men who feel like they’re quietly losing everything that matters, and help them build the inner strength to stop it.

I’ve experimented with how to say it.
Sometimes I start with, “I mentor men who are stuck.”
Other times, “I work with husbands whose marriages are quietly falling apart.”
Or if I’m feeling playful, “I help high-performing men stop pretending they’re fine.”

That one usually lands with a nervous laugh.

But no matter how I phrase it, it’s not a job you can sum up neatly between sips of Chardonnay and charcuterie.
Because what I actually do is help men face the parts of their lives they don’t want to talk about.
The parts that don’t fit on LinkedIn.
The parts that gnaw at them when the house is quiet.

Men Who Are Quietly Falling Apart

I work with men who are silently falling apart.
Not in public, not where anyone can see it, but behind the scenes.
Behind the success.
Behind the role of husband, father, and provider.
Behind the mask.

Men who provide, perform, produce, and still lie in bed at night thinking,
“Why do I feel so alone and unhappy in my own life?”
“How did I end up here?”
“Why does everything feel so... blah?”

They feel like ghosts in their own homes.
They walk in the door and brace for tension.
They lie next to a woman they love, but can’t reach.
And no matter how hard they try to fix it, it never seems to stick.

So they stop talking.
They stop initiating.
They stop asking for what they want.

Instead, they drift into a quiet, numb existence, hoping, somehow, that things will radically change… someday.
Maybe she’ll come around.
Maybe life will settle down.
Maybe if they just keep being patient and trying harder, it’ll all finally feel right again.

But the waiting turns into years.
And the silence just gets heavier.

The Passive Coping Trap

In the meantime, they scroll.
They daydream and fantasize.
They listen to podcasts.
They binge-watch clips about “masculine energy” and “emotional safety.”
They try to pick up clues about what they’re doing wrong, without having to ask.

They wonder what changed.
They replay old conversations.
They tell themselves:
“Maybe this is just how marriage gets.”
“Maybe if I give it time, things will go back to how they were.”
“Maybe I should just call it quits and start over.”

But under all of it, they’re scared.
Scared of what it means if nothing changes.
Scared to admit they don’t know how to fix it.
Scared that maybe this is all there is.
Scared that something is broken.
Scared that they’ve become the kind of man they swore they’d never be—resentful, avoidant, disconnected.
Scared that it’s too late.
Scared that if they finally ask for help, it’ll confirm their worst fear:
“Maybe what I want isn’t possible. Maybe my desires are the problem. Maybe I’m the problem.”

I Was That Man

I get it. I really get it.
Because I was that man.
And now I spend five or six days a week with men who are exactly where you are.

So let me tell you something you may not believe yet:

You’re not broken.
Your desires are not the problem.
You’re not too far gone.
You’re just stuck.

And it's not too late.
But one day, it will be, if you continue to wait for things to change or for the fear to go away before you act.

You Can’t Outsource This

The key is not patience or comfort. The key is courage.
It’s deciding that the cost of being courageous is less than the cost of staying the same.

Most men have no idea how fast things can shift when they stop outsourcing their well-being to their partner, job, or circumstances and start leading themselves from the inside out.

Within one year, a man can experience a completely different life.
More peace.
More connection.
More intimacy.
More strength.

And it costs less than what most of these men will spend on a vacation. (one that they'll spend most of wishing they were someone else!)

Fantasy vs. Reality

If that doesn’t sound like a good investment, I’ll share what others have shared with me... your future isn't likely to be heading anywhere good.

You are not going to create a deeply connected, emotionally safe relationship —one where a woman trusts you, leans into you, and wants to be held in your arms —by anonymously posting in free Facebook groups and reading more marriage books on the toilet.

That’s not leadership.
That’s not transformation.
That’s hiding.

That’s low-risk, low-investment, low-visibility effort in hopes of a high-reward, high-impact result. If you won't invest in yourself, why would your partner?

It doesn’t work.
It never has.
And deep down, you know that.

Ready to Talk?

So if something inside you knows it’s time to stop drifting and start changing, I’d love to talk.

No pitch, no pressure, just an honest, encouraging conversation about where you are and whether what we do could help.

👉 Request a Free Discovery Call

You don’t need to be fearless.
You just need to take the first step.

I’m here when you’re ready.

—Sven

P.S.
Not every man is ready today to make the kind of investment that deep, personal transformation requires. I get that. But if something in you knows it’s time to stop drifting, you don’t have to do it alone.

You’re welcome in our private men’s community.
It costs less than most Starbucks habits and creates more clarity, strength, and momentum than most men experience in years of trying to figure it out on their own. (Listen for yourself.)

And right now, you can use the promo code RECLAIM15 to take 15% off your membership for the next 24 months.

This offer is limited to the first twelve men, as we intentionally grow slowly to preserve the strength and depth of the brotherhood.